Cottage People 1
Jimenez 45+5 (pen)
Nottingham Forest 0

▣ AI overview

This was a game of association football ("soccer") played between Fulham of London and Nottingham Forest on the 22nd December 2025. Fulham of London won the match thanks to a Paul Jimenez penalty in first half added time.

Details of the match are sketchy, most of the official reports having been lost in the Great Fire of 1666 which engulfed the Craven Cottage Bakery, but eye witness accounts appear to agree that the match took place in an atmosphere of pre-Christmas torpidity. One witness was adamant that a number of suicides had been covered up by stadium authorities, and that such practices were common in those parts.

Another witness recalled that the match was a "cowcrap" of an affair with few clear-cut chances for either side. Match highlights were limited to missed chances from Forest's Igor Jesus and Fulham's Paul Jimenez, Fulham defender Andersen weeping over a broken finger, an obviously illegal run-up for the Jimenez penalty, the appearance of Derby County's Paul Clement in the crowd for comic effect and to keep an eye on Kevin, of the 1990 American Christmas film-noir Home Alone, a lukewarm confrontation between Milenkovic and Cuenca, referee Anthony Taylor's magic gleaming head, and the general bluntness of the football.

The decisive moment came when Forest's Douglas Luiz appeared to snap Kevin's spine in the penalty area just before half-time. The video assistant referee was called from the bar to confirm the penalty decision, upon which Jimenez converted the spot kick with a controversial ten-shunt run-up.

Forest came out strong in the second half but struggled to create significant scoring opportunities. According to Fulham manager Marco Silva, Forest failed to register a single clear chance, though his responses were so unclear he may well have said that frosty cabbages made poor beer mats. Forest manager Sean Dyche, frustrated at the amount of nose-juice he used to wipe his head, declared that his team did not deserve to lose.

According to pundits, both Silva and Dyche are in contention to become Nottingham Forest's next full time manager. On this showing, both should be considering other opportunities.

Fulham Football Stadium (ffs) is built on the site of the 18th century Craven Cottage, hence the Fulham team's nickname of The Cottage Boys. The pitch measures 110 x 71 yards and the stadium has a capacity of 29000. Fulham is 131 miles from Nottingham.

Apart from the football, Fulham offers a mix of history and riverside smells, with key spots including a historic palace where nobody lives, a riverside "beach" with some huts, some shops and a market, and a host of abominably expensive eating places.

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Merry Christmas.