Wolverhampton Wonderbras 0

Nottingham Forest 1
Jesus 72

Get three points, and we can forget the performance, said somebody. He was wrong of course. We got the three points, but the performance remains seared into our nightmares.

The match was like an episode of The Outer Limits, with its skewed camera angles, surreal atmosphere and weird storyline. There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission, and we have no idea what we're doing.

Nothing seemed to work properly. Apart from kicking Anderson to death, Wonderbras' game plan revolved around booing Gibbs-White for a bit and chanting unsavoury things about the owners. After the match, manager Rob Edwards said "We're in the position we're in now" - a comment as bleak and pointless as his team's performance.

To be fair, Forest weren't much better. Their discipline seemed to stifle creativity. Moves broke down in the final third, what chances there were were missed, MGW and Anderson and others lacked controlling influence, and things degenerated into a frustrating mess. Some fans have suggested that Wonderbras' play was so wretched it stunned Forest into inaction, but Edwards dismissed the idea with the comment "We're in the position we're in now". All the game needed to sink it into the slough of despond was the intervention of VAR.

Jesus scored from a corner, but Ndoye (who had a generally lousy game) was blocking the goalkeeper's view in an offside position. It took 5 minutes 33 seconds for VAR to cancel out Jesus' goal. It took so long some of us were convinced they were looking at a possible penalty for a foul on Morato, but no. VAR has got itself in a pickle over this aspect of the offside rule before, notably with Liverpool and Forest, so their anxiety over this decision obviously needed meticulous attention. Or perhaps the replay button was sticky with gin. We'll never know.

So the frustration grew. Wonderbras began the second half with some determination, and the fact that Forest were failing to beat The Worst Team In History led to the beginnings of The Fear. You'll have met The Fear before, many times. It's that "We're going to lose this, aren't we?" feeling, usually followed by "Typical Forest." So Arias missed a good chance, Williams was unlucky with a free kick, Hutchinson had a pop, but The Fear wouldn't go away. Until the 70-oddth minute.

A bit of interplay between Savona and Hutchinson, Hutchinson's neat left-foot clip into the box, and there was Jesus, out-leaping a centre back and a goalkeeper to bullet a header into the net for his first Premier League goal.

We really like Igor Jesus. We like his strength, his heading ability, even his celebration. He looks and plays like a proper footballer.

We also like Omari Hutchinson. When others dither or play safe, he attacks. He had two shots, and provided the best, most precise chipped crosses of the night.

The goal having been scored, Forest backed off a bit and invited The Fear back into our lives. They had to bring Yatesy on to raise the spirits, and Forest saw the game out.

But it wasn't what you'd call good. Forest will have to be a lot sharper if they want to get anything from the Everton match. Whatever happens, there is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission, and we have no idea what we're doing.

Come On You Reds!