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SEASON 26/27 MATCH REPORTS
SEASON 2026/27 game 1 August 22th 2026
 Nottingham Forest 0 Leed 1Stach 88
HERE WE GO AGAIN
We've been trying to work out what people mean when they talk about Glasner's system. It's taken a while, but we think we've uncovered his secret plan.
First, pick the wrong starting eleven. Despite all evidence to the contrary, rely on McAtee and Ndoye to pretend they are more effective than flies hitting a windscreen. Instruct the players to spend most of the first half drifting in and out of a coma, passing sloppily, hoofing pointlessly, losing duels, trying to get sent off, failing to carry any weight up front, failing to press properly, failing to appreciate the predictable dynamics of moving objects, and generally looking uncomfortable in their own skin. The plan to start improving towards the end of the first half comes with the condition that all efforts to cross or shoot should be appalling or at best hit the woodwork.
The half time bollocking should be delivered in an infrequently used German dialect so that the players have no idea what they are doing but at least put in a lot more effort doing it. Accordingly the second half is approached with greater determination and the more consistent application of basic skills, even if this leads to a dangerously open game at times. Increased pressure on the opposition should not, however, result in better finishing.
The third part of the cunning plan involves the belated introduction of Schlager and Netz, and these additions, with Williams moving to the right, produce a more balanced and effective unit, so effective that the Forest rearguard will go to sleep and concede a ridiculously simple goal.
Such was the plan, and it worked perfectly. The plan was simple, but the reasons for it were more complicated. Some have suggested that the less than satisfactory display was Glasner's way of appealing for some much needed signings, especially up front. Some have suggested that Glasner is simply unimaginative and slow to learn. Some have suggested that his face is made of plasticene, but that's just silly.
Whatever, there seemed little discernible difference between Glasner's Forest and the Forest of last season. But these are early days. We feel sure that Glasner's system will become clearer and more productive as the season wears on.
And on.
NO EXCUSES
At some point, my brain stopped working. It had to, because it couldn't cope with stuff it neither expected nor understood.
Things didn't start well. My brain didn't understand how Glasner could pick a midfield of McAtee and Schlager. It was like building a wall out of meringue, wasn't it? And Ndoye, for God's sake. My brain didn't understand, but at least it knew what to expect. Annihilation. It prepared itself for Annihilation, and whistled "I told you so" to the tune of Handel's Dead March.
When the game started, Annihilation didn't arrive. In fact, expected reality began to shift into a dimension which made no sense at all, which was worrying. McAtee, that moth's wing of a footballer, was spraying the ball around like a card sharp dealing off the bottom. The midfield wasn't getting overrun. Forest were making Liverpool look like a squadron of poorly maintained diggers. And there was the hopeless DanDoye finishing a neat move in splendid fashion to put Forest ahead.
None of this was supposed to happen, not after the miserable display against Leed, and the miserable display against Leed. The only way my brain could process this was by telling me that this was a conspiracy to prove how stupid I was. Or it wasn't really happening at all.
My brain settled on the "not really happening" option. It was the only way to explain things like
Aina making the wing-back thing work, Jesus giving the Poo defence the heebie-jeebies, the VAR cancelling a Poo goal, the whine of the Poo supporters like the wind in the telephone lines, some ginger bloke running around the pitch unconvincingly, MacAllister being so laughably Argentinian, Neco Williams making himself undroppable and, hopefully, unsellable. Of all the things which didn't happen, the most thrilling was the realisation that Forest were far, far better than their hosts.
It couldn't last, of course. Reality kicked back in, and the brain switched channels. There was McAtee folding like a wet cardboard box, allowing a cross to be made for Etiquette to score, proving that I was right after all about everything, and being comfortably certain that the Poo would go on to win the game.
Then the useless Delap took a smart throw in to Williams whose charge into the box was halted by Allison's trip and MGW scored the penalty. That, I think, was the point at which my brain admitted that everything I'd said about the system, the players, the manager, was bollocks. The brain just gave up. I didn't care about the rest of the match. The strange ginger rug scored an equaliser which Sels might have reached if it hadn't clipped Murillo's toe, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Forest were the better side, and I, along with many others, had been proved to be a little bit stupid.
You may start to hear trains thundering in the distance, but that's because your brain isn't working properly.
BEAN TIME
Excitement index
ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN
A lot of what happened in this match, good or bad, happened by accident.
Milenkovic and Cunha, having injured themselves in a game of leg-wrestling or something, made way for Diomande and Aina to play centre back beside Murillo. Diomande was mightily impressive, and Aina formed a really promising relationship with Munoz (and eventually MGW) down the right. As Shakespeare said, "Sometimes, things work out".
The first half was a bit duff, only occasionally lit up by the odd bit of slapstick. Neco Williams accidentally sent one into orbit. Parkside almost accidentally scored when a cross was accidentally deflected goalwards, Sels' half stop was squeezed off the post by Murillo, and a subsequent shot was parried by Sels' face and away. A chapter of accidents? Not exactly. Murillo's use of the post to jam the ball backwards was no accident, just instinctive brainwork. Okay, he didn't have his best game ( he does look more Sumo like than ever with his bun) but he was the one who retrieved the ball which gave Delap the chance to shoot and score. He wasn't as bad as scapegoaters made him out to be.
There were other accidents. Ndoye suffered a busted nose but carried on bravely accomplishing very little. The referee accidentally awarded Forest a free kick once. Parkside's Jackson played like somebody who aimed to commit non-accidental injury on anybody who bested him. Unai Emery looked one dental appointment away from a heart attack.
Everyone expected the second half to follow the same grim pattern as the first, but Delap's goal in the 46th minute changed everything. The goal itself was special, a long range whack whose power and direction was too much for Suzuki the Carmaker. After this, Forest's confidence, rather than Glasner's so-called "tweaks", allowed them to control almost all the second half. No more accidents, just a team buoyed by one brilliant individual goal.
With Schlager and McAtee running midfield, Aina pushing out and Munoz and MGW linking up down the right, Forest began to reduce Parkside's resistance to rubble. Delap scored again but was off-sided. Then he scored again but it was the side netting. Every cross looked dangerous. Ndoye courageously missed two good chances. And then Parkside scored.
It was everybody's fault. The manager for not using his subs. Murillo for sumo-ing somebody off the mat, the entire defence for allowing a four foot Brazilian to head the ball home, the forwards for failing to get more goals, Ndoye for bravely overstaying his welcome. The ref for any reason you could think of.
Anyway, things got a bit complicated after that. To be honest, despite Jesus coming on for the brave but fairly useless Ndoye, it began to look like Forest were settling for a draw. Around 80 minutes, McAtee was taken off after fouling Maatsen. Sangare replaced him. Then Maatsen limped off and was replaced by ... oops, nobody, because Emery had used up all his subs.
It was Parkside being down to ten men which once again tipped the match in Forest's favour, but as Shakespeare said, "When opportunity knocks, finish the buggers off." Schlager tried to do just that with a stunning header well saved by Suzuki the Carmaker, but the winning goal came from a move of such perfection it made the heart swell fit to bursting. Munoz to MGW, MGW to Munoz, Munoz cross, back flick by MGW, slid home by Jesus. Suddenly we were back in Nuno's best days, in Vitor's best days, when the players were carried along by pure enjoyment. Perhaps those days will come back. As Shakespeare said, "God knows. I don't."
It wasn't quite over. Referee Andy Pandy found six minutes of extra time in his bag of tricks, but after eight of the six minutes he must have realised that his game, literally, was up.
Well done Forest. You restoreth my soul. For now.
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Nottingham Forest 2