SEASON 2019/20. AUGUST 31 2019.
GAME 6 : FOREST 1 PRESTON NOB END (misprint) 1

Once more a team plays well against Forest and cannot understand why it has not won. We think we know why this keeps happening. Actually, we don't, but here are a few theories which may help. Or not.

1.   The Sit back and pretend you're crap theory.

According to this theory, Forest start slowly on purpose, playing deep to absorb their opponents' energy, draining them of their strength, then striking against them later on. But it didn't look like this against Nob End in the first half. Giving them the freedom of the midfield seemed more like accident than design, what with Forest giving the ball away in dangerous positions and falling so deep that counterattacking seemed impossible. The only result of this non-strategy was to make Forest look jittery and eventually concede a goal. Actually, the bits about "freedom of the midfield" and Forest looking "jittery", are not entirely true. Forest did do a few good things but not where it counted, and Nob End strung a few passes together, but our abiding memory of the first half was of scrappiness.

2.   The Sit back and pretend you're crap in the first half, then get it right in the second theory.

This is more like it. Even though we dismissed the "pretend" bit in number 1, Forest definitely got on top in the second half, eventually. This was due to (a) Forest getting the right players on (Sow, Carvalho, Adomah), (b) Forest pushing up more aggressively, and (c) Nob End rediscovering the eternal weariness of being not quite good enough.

3.   The Eternal weariness of being theory.

This theory applies to most Championship clubs, and refers to that essential sameness which derives from a lack of real quality. Nob End fans got a bit up themselves as the first half wore on, but their "dominance" was more down to Forest's ineptitude than their own talent, and their efforts on goal were limited and quite tame. Two shots, one from Bodin and one from Johnson, were easily parried by Brice Samba, another one was so wank that Samba caught it, and even the goal was the result of a series of random rebounds. Two midfielders accidentally smuggled the ball to Bodin, whose shot was blocked by Worrall. The ball bobbled to Nob End's Browne whose shot somehow reached Bodin via some strange version of Collision Physics, and Bodin did his one trick and scored. In other words, even Nob End's best was ordinary, so they shouldn't be at all surprised that they didn't win.

4.   The Eternal weariness of being doesn't apply to Forest theory.

Forest have the players who can take them out of the ordinary. They don't do it often enough yet, but glimpses of a superior ability were glimpsed in the Nob End match. The move that led to Grabban's effort was bewilderingly clever, and Carvalho's through ball to Adomah for the equaliser was exquisite. Forest's best far exceeded Nob End's best in quality, so perhaps the visitors should just be satisfied with the draw.

5.   The Nob End will never win anything because they are so bloody irritating theory.

This theory refers to the concept that Nob End will never win anything because they are so bloody irritating. This irritating-ness may derive from Bodin shimmying like a little bag of wind then disappearing from view, or Daniel Johnson pretending to be the Brazilian Ronaldhinho with his teeth and hair, or the team's half-arsed application of the dark arts. But mostly it derives from the manager, players and fans being such miserable, sour-arsed whiners. With their manager, it never whines but it pours. "To be fair to Forest, I thought they did the scrappy bits of the second half better than us," he said. "But the biggest frustration for me is that they had one meaningful shot on target and scored." Backhanded compliments and sour grapes - that's the best you can hope for from whiny Neil. Statistics have proved that outfits that whine as much as Nob End do will never win anything, and that's why they had no chance of beating Forest.

There are more theories we could mention, but too many of them tend to be about domination, and we'll have none of that talk here. All in all, it's been a decent August for Forest, though we suspect that most of us are still waiting for Monsieur Lamouchi to start forging all that talent (some of it still a bit raw) into consistently good team performances. Patience, as Old Uncle Boff used to say, is a virgin.

August 2019

S E A S O N   2 0 1 9 / 2 0 2 0   R E S U L T S

01 02.08.19 FOREST 1 WET BROM 2
02 10.08.19 LEED 1 FOREST 1
03 17.08.19 FOREST 3 BOREMINGHAM 0
04 21.08.19 CHARLESTON 1 FOREST 1
05 24.08.19 COTTAGING 1 FOREST 2
06 31.08.19 FOREST 1 NOB END 1

Experts fear Forest's recruitment strategy is out of control


Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.