Here are 6 of the things we didn't do in Hamsterjam:

Body Worlds (featuring more than 200 anatomical specimens of real human bodies) - because we wouldn't be seen dead there.

Museum of Prostitution (take a look behind the scenes of the oldest profession in the world) - because all we had to do was go behind the Basilica of St. Nicholas for free.

Amsterdam's Weirdest Museum - because, well, just because.

Torture Museum (punishments and instruments of torture from the Inquisition to the Guillotine) - because we follow Forest already.

Hemp Museum - because we have no interest in rope.

Dipswitch 4 Forest 2 - because we were in Hamsterjam, thank God.

Anyway, the match. It was business as usual as Forest conceded within three minutes of the start when ... no, wait a minute, that's wrong.

It was not business as usual as Forest scored within three minutes of the start when Baby Walker galloped down the right and crossed perfectly for McKay to nip it into the net. Two things: Baby Walker looks bigger, stronger and sharper every time he appears; and the goal was not an own goal, despite what some mardy-arses might say.

Baby Walker was at it again later, when his smart shot was spilled by the Boln keeper, but Murphy was slow to react to the chance because he was smoking a pipe or something.

To be honest, after the goal Boln's influence had grown, especially in midfield, where Forest's nippers were finding it difficult against a team of Neanderthals and their tame referee. It was, sadly, no surprise when Boln equalised just before half time, mainly because the Forest defence were bamboozled by a simple cross. They really do have trouble with horizontal football - as when, in the second half, a Boln corner was headed just wide by Matthew Madine, star of "Memphis Belle", or a cross from Buckley reached an unmarked Vela, who headed over. Somebody really has to do something about the Forest defenders' responsibility, spacial awareness, peripheral vision and all those Dougie things which contribute to being a solid unit, or they'll collapse into a hole of their own digging.

As the game progressed, Forest were being out-beefed and out-refereed, and ended up launching long balls to miss out their struggling midfield. They were, in other words, playing Boln's game instead of their own.

This Forest side may fall short physically in certain areas, but they are not mentally weak, nor do they lack spirit, and their salvation came on 60 minutes when a weak Boln defensive header reached Worrall on the edge of the area, and the young defender thumped it low and hard past the Boln keeper. It was one of those occasions when crowd members shout the name of the goalscorer at each other to confirm they have not died and gone to heaven. It was Joe Worrall's first goal. He would score his second twenty minutes later.

At last Forest sort of settled down and Boln wobbled. Bridcutt won the ball with a couple of crowdwarming tackles and found Baby Walker, whose composure deserted him as he blasted wide. And Brereton, on for the pipe-smoking Murphy, out-muscled and out-paced a couple of Boln defenders to slot home a third under the keeper.

I suppose three one would have been a bit harsh on Boln, who were nothing if not brutishly persistent, so Forest allowed them a second goal courtesy of Worrall's deflected interception in injury time - a period which was stretched towards infinity by the Boln referee.

Still, Forest won. It was not a memorable game, but a good result against the odds on the day. As Old Uncle Boff used to say: "It may not be nice to win ugly, but it's always nice to win." Answers on a postcard.


SEASON 2017/2018

01 04.08.17 FOREST 1 MEWO 0
02 12.08.17 BENTFORD 3 FOREST 4
03 15.08.17 BARNSLEH 2 FOREST 1
05 26.08.17 FOREST 0 LEED 2
06 09.09.17 WENDIES 3 FOREST 1
07 12.09.17 UNDERLAND 0 FOREST 1
08 16.09.17 FOREST 1 WONDERBRAS 2
09 23.09.17 VILLA 2 FOREST 1
10 26.09.17 FOREST 1 COTTAGING 3
11 30.09.17 FOREST 2 THE UNDEAD 1
12 15.10.17 SHEEP NATION 2 FOREST 0
13 21.10.17 FOREST 2 BURTON DOWN 0
14 28.10.17 UL 2 FOREST 3
16 04.11.17 FOREST 4 QP LADIES 0
17 18.11.17 BOREMINGHAM 1 FOREST 0
18 21.11.17 FOREST 1 NORRIDGE 0
19 26.11.17 FOREST 0 CAERDYDD 2
20 02.12.17 DIPSWITCH 4 FOREST 2
21 09.12.17 FOREST 3 BOLN 2

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.