premier league game 13     november 30th 2024

Nottingham Forest 1 Wood 49 (pen)

Dipswitch 0

Some games are like Monopoly - nobody knows exactly how to play it, some of the pieces are broken or missing, it causes tempers to fray, and it ends up being so boring it seems to last forever. And nobody ever remembers it. This game was so unmemorable that we couldn't think of much to say, so we did a player ratings thing instead. Matz Sels - spent much of the game trying to settle an argument between his left-hand and right-hand posts as to which was taller. Apart from one and a half saves, he didn't have much else to do, which is always a sign of a good defence, a garbage opposition, or a faulty memory. Rating: Vine Street. Ola Aina - his goalline clearance was somehow typical of the player himself - there was no panic, just a cool, almost casual dismissal of the ball while everybody in the stadium was having a heart attack. He gives the impression of always having time, and enjoying the time he has. Rating: Park Lane. Nikola Milenkovic - we used to sit next to a young bloke in the Trent End who we called The Murderer, because he looked and behaved like a murderer. Then he disappeared, and Stress is convinced he came back as Nikola Milenkovic. He does give the impression of being massively capable of inflicting terminal damage, but he is far too efficient an operator to sink to such levels. Rating: Bond Street. Murillo - awesome, as usual, but only because he is paired with Milenkovic. The two complement each other perfectly - one of them is crazy, and so is the other one. Should have scored with a fine header, but the Dipswitch goalkeeper Muric only went and saved it, innit. Rating: Regent Street. Neco Williams - in a rare start, Neco threatened going forward, looked occasionally dodgy going back, and took some very Welsh free kicks. Welsh free kicks are like Welsh Cakes, which look nice but taste like rabbit currants.Rating: Marlborough Street. Ryan Yates - is getting too cocky for his own good. Tricks with the ball, venomous shots steered off target, indulging in fitful bouts of elbow tennis ... it's as if he spends every game trying to convince everyone how good he is. Not a bad motivator, that. Rating: Trafalgar Square. Elliot Anderson - wasn't fully fit, so concentrated on running himself daft rather than turning on the style. Rating: Bow Street. Morgan Gibbs-White - looked sharp enough after his recent absence, trying a sharp header in the early minutes, but, like everybody else, struggled to create chances against the thick blue line. Perhaps he'll find his best against Man City, and get their incoherent manager the sack. One can but dream. Rating: Fleet Street. Jota Silva - we love this bloke, he reminds us of a small bench saw which has broken free of its moorings and is careering wildly around the workshop. Or Taz the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes. He is dynamic, unpredictable, wears the wrong boots, and got the penalty that won the game. And he's better than the Man City Jota Silva, if you catch our drift. . Rating: Piccadilly. Callum Hudson-Odoi - bit of a blunt instrument in this one. It's now up to Nuno and his team mates to restore the confidence he seems to be lacking. Rating: Pentonville Road. Chris Wood - has ceased being a footballer and morphed into a record collection, especially that one about him being the joint top PL Forest scorer with Bryan Roy. He's not as skilful as Bryan Roy, but at least he doesn't play in a sleeping bag in the winter. And he could easily have been awarded two more penalties if the ref hadn't taken pity on Dipswitch. Rating: Leicester Square. Others - there were substitutes, but none made a significant difference, and anyway it seems daft rating people on limited opportunities. A Dipswtch, by the way, is a Dual In-line Package switch, which is  a set of small manual electronic switches that are designed to be packaged with other circuits. The term Dipswitch may refer either to an individual switch on a multi-switch unit or to the entire unit as a whole. This goes a long way to explaining why Dipswitch are second from bottom.Rating: N/A.