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premier league game 25 february 17th 2024
Nottingham Forest 2
Awoniyi 45+5, Hudson-Odoi 90+4
Wet Hams 0

The good thing about supporting a provincial nonentity of a football club is that you don't have to depend on media pundits to tell you where you stand. You are caught in the limbo between sycophantic praise and corrosive criticism. In other words, you tend to be ignored, but that's okay, because you know the truth of things.
There is much here I do not understand, Pie.
For the last time, Stress, plain speaking is not restricted to words ending in -ank.
Of which there are surprisingly many.
About fourteen, I believe. But that's not important. What's important is this: while the national media concentrated on the plight of Wet Hams with headlines like "Moyes Under Pressure" and "Hammers' Dreadful Run Continues", they missed the real story.
What's that then, Pie?
The real story was how good Forest were.
How good were they, Pie? Do tell.
That's easy enough. All we have to do is go through the main events of the match. Like Felipe giving the ball to Gibbs-White, who moved inside and swept a pass out to Hudson-Odoi on the left, who slipped the ball to Tavares, whose cross ended up with Elanga bulleting a drive at Alphonse Areola.
Tee hee.
The control and confidence in the move, the power and technique in the shot - it was all sublime. And that was only the start.
Some say the ball went through him, Pie.
Apparently if you study the video really carefully you can see a ghost image of the ball travelling so fast it passes through Areola into the back of the net. But VAR is too crude to pick up proto-plasmic particles so it just displayed the save. VAR, eh?
Indeed, Stress. Then there was Danilo to Tavares to Hudson-Odoi to Dominguez to Gibbs-White, and another high speed blast at Alphonse Areola...
Tee hee.
... who made another of many couldn't-get-out-of-the-way saves he received undeserved praise for.
Some say the ball went through him.
No they don't. Then of course there was Danilo once more moving forward from deep finding Hudson-Odoi who laid it back to Tavares whose cross was headed out to Dominguez who stabbed it forward to Awoniyi who controlled it beautifully, rolled his marker and passed it into the net. Goooooal!
Great stuff, right at the end of the half. It was becoming obvious what the difference between the two sides was.
I know, I know - Wet Hams' kit was like dish rags, while the Garibaldi burned hot and vivid against the legendary turf.
Er, partly I suppose, but the real difference between the teams was that Forest were better in every department. Forest looked top ten, Wet Hams looked relegation bound.
What has been building for weeks seemed to mature in that first half and carried on in the second. Gibbs-White to Elanga, who volleyed the bouncing ball with ferocity goalwards, only to see Alphonse Areola tip it over the bar.
Some say it ...
Then Origi wins a corner. Zouma heads the ball out to Danilo, who sends another missile Alphonse Areola's way. The shot once again is magnificently struck and blisteringly hard, but again not quite hard enough to pass through living flesh like protoplasm, at least according to VAR.
Then there was that long ball controlled by Origi who joined in the fun by back flicking the ball over his head to Williams, whose drive across the danger area found Hudson-Odoi, who finished with power and precision.
Goalio indeed. Right at the end of the match, to seal a well deserved win after a wonderful performance.
It wasn't all good though, was it Pie? There was some bad stuff too.
If you're talking about the idiot in the car park ...
No, in the match. There was some bad stuff in the match.
But even the bad stuff was somehow good. Like Felipe's mistake, which allowed Murillo to show his defensive skills by outwitting the bulldozer Antonio. Or Elanga's extravagantly missed efforts which kind of made you chuckle at the end of breathtaking counter attacks like the ones we used to see in the good old Steve Cooper championship days. Or Kalvin Phillips getting himself sent off for looking like a bit of a prat twice.
There was one bad thing that was properly bad though, wasn't there Pie?
You mean the penalty, don't you? Cornet treading on Williams' foot, a penalty so obvious it makes you seriously consider whether the "Forest don't get penalties" rule actually exists. It did sour proceedings for a while, but I suppose us provincial nonentities have to put up with such injustices if we want to play with the big boys.
Or do we ...?
Oh no, you've sent one of your letters, haven't you?
Full of words ending in -ank, of which there are surprisingly many. Do you want to see it?
Good Lord no.

season 23/24 fixtures and results
01 12.08.23 The Grand Arse 2 Nottm Forest 1
02 18.08.23 Nottm Forest 2 The Undead 1
03 26.08.23 ManUre 3 Nottm Forest 2
04 02.09.23 Chelsea Dodgers 0 Nottm Forest 1
05 18.09.23 Nottm Forest 1 Shy Moor Folk 1
06 23.09.23 MCL 2 Nottm Forest 0
07 01.10.23 Nottm Forest 1 Brent Ford's XI 1
08 07.10.23 Palearse 0 Nottm Forest 0
09 21.10.23 Nottm Forest 2 Luton Beds 2
10 29.10.23 The Grand Poo 3 Nottm Forest 0
11 05.11.23 Nottm Forest 2 Villa Parkside 0
12 12.11.23 Wet Hams 3 Nottm Forest 2
13 25.11.23 Forest 2 Brighton Etc 3
14 02.12.23 Forest 0 Neverton 1
15 06.12.23 Cottage 5 Forest 0
16 09.12.23 Wonderbras 1 Forest 1
17 15.12.23 Forest 0 Tosspots 2
18 23.12.23 Forest 2 AFC Muffs 3
19 26.11.23 Spiffs 1 Forest 3
20 30.12.23 Forest 2 ManUre 1
21 20.01.24 Bentford 3 Forest 2
22 30.01.24 Forest 1 The Grand Arse 2
23 04.02.24 AFC Muffs 1 Forest 1
24 10.02.24 Forest 2 Spiffs 3
25 17.02.24 Forest 2 Wet Hams 0
26 24.02.24 Villa Parkside v Forest

Documenting Interpretive Bullshit

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