WORLD CUP STUFF

Group I - Norway 1 France 4 The swaggering poseurs of France demolished the lead-booted lumberjacks of Norway. Pfft. Group I - Senegal 5 Iraq 0 Iraq is west of Iran, east of Syria, and a thousand miles off being a half decent football side. Group H - Cape Verde 0 Saudi Arabia 0 "Cape Verde made history by..." Oh stop it. Everything Cape Verde does makes history, because this is the first World Cup they've ever been in. Soon they will make history by being the first team from Cape Verde to lose to Argentina in the knockout stage of the 2026 World Cup. Group H - Uruguay 0 Spain 1 Bielsa was finally knocked off his perch as his 40 year old goalkeeper Fernando "Paperhands" Muesli gifted Spain a mostly undeserved victory. Uruguay now go home, probably with somebody's head in a bucket. Group G - Egypt 1 Iran 1 Iran having a winning goal ruled out for offside was obviously the result of some very suspicious VAR activity involving a "deal" with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Group G - New Zealand 1 Belgium 5 It is of no little interest that Saelemaekers, who scored in the 94th minute to cap a thumping victory for the Potato Eaters, does not mean "Sail makers" but translates as "Saddle maker", and he looks like Odo the shape-shifting security chief in Deep Space Nine. Of lesser interest is that we won't be able to shout "Elijah Just scored for New Zealand!" in the immediate future.