Nottingham Forest 4
MGW 62, 69, 77   Jesus 90+8
Shy Moor Folk 1
Flemming 45+2

It was emotional. Perhaps too emotional. Forest couldn't sort themselves out at all, the match degenerated into a game of idiot's chess, some Burnley guy I'd never heard of scored, and I died and went to Hell.

The worst thing about Hell is the people who live there. Miserable, cynical shades they are, picking at the bones of disappointment like vultures. These are the Jibber Jabbers, constantly spewing their told-you-so complaints from the shadows. Told you we'd blow it ... Told you we shouldn't have played a strong side against Porto ... Told you Pereira was a fraud ...

The Jibber Jabbers are few in number but relentless, and there is a real danger you might start thinking like them if you stay here much longer. You keep on walking, leaving the Jibber Jabbers behind. In the distance, they sound as if they've started fighting amongst themselves.

You have left Hell, and are in a place called Limbo. Limbo is the place between the living and the dead, between illusion and reality, where you are tricked into seeing your wishes come true, only for them to be shattered before your eyes. Here, for example, is Milenkovic, far too high up the pitch, heading the ball into a crowded Burnley penalty area, where a Burnley defender heads it backwards into the path of Morgan Gibbs-White, who scores. It is all illusion, of course, because the Jibber Jabbers told us that Morgan Gibbs-White is rubbish. And anyway, VAR will probably disallow it for no reason at all. The crowd noise seems real enough. Special effects, I suppose.

The illusions grow stronger. Igor Jesus, who is always out of position, cleverly flicks the ball to Omari Hutchinson. This same Omari Hutchinson, who is too rubbish ever to take on his full back, glides past his full back and hooks a cross beyond the far post where Morgan Gibbs-White is waiting to volley it home. This time, the crowd noise sounds genuine, but to believe any of this is real is dangerous. It's like a beautiful woman inviting you into a lunatic asylum.

But the third illusion is an absolute cracker. Yates, who isn't even a proper footballer, is trapped in a corner, but manages to somehow dig out a perfect cross on to the head of Morgan Gibbs-White. Let me remind you that Morgan Gibbs-White is garbage, so the perfect header he heads perfectly from the penalty spot into the back of the net for a perfect goal must be a fluke. Okay, the crowd noise is like a bomb going off, but come on, really?

And look, there's Jesus, who is no striker, scampering half the length of the pitch pursued by six Burnley defenders. And just as he is about to be swamped, he slots the ball across the Burnley keeper into the net for Forest's fourth.

It's all too confusing. On the one hand, to believe all this is happening is laughable. To believe that you've left Hell and gone to Heaven because Jesus scores is ridiculous.

The one thing that makes you realise that you haven't been anywhere is that the Jibber Jabbers are back. "It was never in doubt," they say. "I told you so, didn't I ?"

And you remember something Old Uncle Boff used to say in situations like this. "If something sounds too good to be true," he used to say, "it probably is true."

Time to go home, and jam for tea.